Who Knew So Few T Cells Could Accomplish So Much?

Back From the Brink

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:13:23 GMT

I was not always this outspoken with my status. In fact, in the beginning, I was incredibly fearful. I knew I had AIDS well before the doctors made it official. I was living in denial not stupidity. I knew that when you lose as much weight as I did and you are eating McDonald's pretty much every day, something isn't working right. I knew that the sheets were not supposed to be wet every morning from my never-ending night sweats. I knew all that -- but I still did nothing about it.

I like to say that I didn't make a move until I felt comfortable with my insurance. Being self-employed, I get the privilege of buying my own policy, making me vulnerable for cancellation at the insurance company's whim.

I tell people I didn't use my policy for the first year in fear of being cancelled for a pre-existing condition, but what really happened was I was just too scared to confront the truth. I had seen it all before and still was in complete disbelief that my body could actually betray me like this. I mean, didn't we have some unspoken bond, that if we worked together, we would be better off?

Since When Is the Expression of Fear and Ignorance a Basic American Right?

Wed, 25 Aug 2009 16:40:52 GMT

All these conversations about health care just keep me going back to two words -- fear and denial. Remove these two words, and we would easily have a health care system that could work for every single American. Keep these two words in the equation, and you have the quagmire that we are currently engaged in. Keep these two words in the conversation, and people will continue to get ill unnecessarily. Keep these two words in the conversation, and we all lose precious ground.

I can speak from personal experience about fear and denial. I held off treatment, rather seeking the truth about my own diagnosis until it was almost too late. I was caught up in my very own mix of fear and denial -- I was completely scared that people would abandon me, simply because I had HIV. I had to be dragged almost kicking and screaming to the hospital, to find out my news. When I had stabilized, my doctor told me that I would have lived only a few days had I stayed home. Fear, denial, and a strong dose of stubbornness would have won, and I would have lost. All of this because I was scared out of my mind and was willing to do absolutely anything, including putting myself at risk, in order to avoid the potential of being alone and isolated from the people I loved.

Recently, I dated a man who practiced his own version of fear and denial. When things seemed to be getting a bit more serious, I shared with him my status. I mistakenly assumed by his silence that he was negative. He did nothing to change my mind. I shared my fears with him about losing my health coverage, being too sick to care for myself, and other nightmares that come with being a person living with AIDS.

How I Fell in Love With an Illegal Alien

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 15:27:17 GMT

In less than 45 days, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services could lift the HIV travel ban. Currently, HIV-positive non-Americans cannot enter the country legally. In December of 1987, then Senator Jesse Helms added a rider to an agricultural bill, making it illegal for a person with HIV/AIDS to step foot on American soil. The senator's thinking was that the world would flood our shores with tired, hungry, immunocompromised masses yearning to take advantage of our American health care system.